I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
