its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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