I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
