i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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