ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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