You just made me feel so damn special
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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