i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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