Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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