I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
