he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
