Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
