We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
