id be glad to
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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