I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
