I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
