my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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