im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
