I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
