Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
