He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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