White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
