my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
