everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
