I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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