Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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