If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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