the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
