You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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