i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
