She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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