your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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