THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
