New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
