Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
