We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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