i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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