it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
