I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
