i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
is it fun? or sober?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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