Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
