K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize