Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
