my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
