I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
