sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Who died my cat blue again?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
