I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize