I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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