peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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