Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
