Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
