Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
