turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
