just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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