another moral hangover. fuck.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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