fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
