So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
