I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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