Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
