NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize