It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
