I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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