Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
