She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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