he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
