Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize