He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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