With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
