it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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