Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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