is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
