I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
