they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
