i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
