I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
