I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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