i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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