trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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