my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
