Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
