We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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