There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
