The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
