At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
