Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You are the jesus of drinking
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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