Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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