I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
