one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
