You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
