Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You were trust falling into bushes
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