I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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