At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize