I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
