Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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