it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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