Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
