No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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